Monday, 28 November 2016

Thank you

Hi all

You probably know by now, the medical problems I've been going through. I'd like to say a few thank yous, if you'll allow me.

I had my stroke while I was writing on Twitter, and I'd like to thank the person I was writing to for all he did. His quick thinking helped me a lot. Thank you. You know who you are.

To the doctors and nurses at the hospital, thank you. You had 4 months of my life. You were wonderful. Thanks you again.

To my brother thank you. Mum and dad would have been so proud. Thank you David, thank you Sue and also the kids.

To my wonderful friends, Keith, Rebecca, Bella, Paul, Terry, Anna, Desi, Nikki, Carly, Katrina and all the others. Thank you for being there.

To Qantas, thank you for all you did.

Lastly to all my Twitter friends, a massive thank you for still being there. I missed you all.

Thank you all, again, and I'll be back next month.


Chain Letter are great, right?

I got some great news recently.  It seems the wife of a former Nigerian President had heard that I am “honest and reliable”.  Pretty impressive, huh?  It was all there in her email.  I don’t know how she got my address, but it was perfect timing.
You see I was about to apply for a load and I really needed some decent references.  I was certain I’d get the cash because I had the tick of approval from someone as impressive as the wife of the former Nigerian President.

OK, right.  And I have a bridge in Sydney I can sell you!

Another thing that irks me, aside from these spam emails, are chain letters.
OK, I have to ask, does anyone actually fall for this crap?  Is there any mental giant out there who really thinks Bill Gates built his fortune by sending $1,000 to anyone who forwards an email?
Surely if it were that easy to make money on the net, financial advisors would be doing it:  “Well, Kate, we’re going to put half your money into blue-ribbon stocks like BHP Billiton and the other half in internet chain letters.  You should be living in a gold house by the end of the month”.
Personally, I think there is a special corner in hell reserved for people who pass chain letters on, especially the ones that promise bad luck if you don’t forward them.
I mean, what sort of friend sends you something that is basically a threat, saying “If you don’t do what I say bad things are going to happen to you”?  Well, unless your friend’s email is –
And it’s always the weirdest threats, like “Mr. John Smith of Made-Upville refused to pass on this letter, and for the rest of his life, he suffered from really bad hat hair.  And a man from  Darwin refused to send on his letter and he still lives in Darwin.”  Tremble at the power of the letter!
“Another man decided to throw the letter in the bin.  Soon after he was forced to listen to Cliff Richards over and over again.  He was then stabbed in his sleep, which he actually saw as a stroke of good luck because it meant that he didn’t have to listen to Cliff Richards any more.
What I love about these stories, though, is how quickly someone’s fortune can turn around.  “An oil tycoon named George received this email and didn’t pass it on.  He immediately lost his fortune and was then captured by aliens who probed him and then feasted on his brains until they dropped him back on earth as a brainless zombie.  Having been completely removed of anything resembling intelligence, he decided to forward the email to all his friends, and in two days he was elected President of the United States of America.” 
Well, actually, now that I think about it, that one could be true.
Of course the question has to be asked by anyone with half a brain:  if a person didn’t pass on the letter and then died tragically – as many of these letters claim – how would anyone know?
I’ve never seen that episode of CSI:  “Well we’ve ruled out murder, accidental death and suicide, it can only be one thing.  He didn’t respond to a chain letter”.
They are complete crapola, and I don’t care how many dollar signs, capital letters or exclamation marks you put in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, and whatever the letter is about, it was always started by monks.
And you know what?  I don’t give a toss if it has been around the world five times.  So has Paris Hilton and come to think about it – so have I, and I’m not about to send myself to 5 of my friends.

Anyway, if you enjoyed reading this, please email it to 50 of your closed friends in the next 50 seconds or you will DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week, maybe not even next month, but sometime – in the next 100 years, almost definitely.  Seriously, trust me!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I mean would I lie to you???????????  The wife of the Nigerian President says I’m honest and reliable$$$$$$$!!!!!!

Tuesday, 5 January 2016

Christmas Has Been and Gone .... Next ....

I’ve discussed a lot of important things here over the past couple of years – sex, religion, politics and even Harry Potter but I think this is by far the biggest:  have you noticed how early they are putting hot cross buns in the supermarkets?

Oh yeah, eat your hearts out all you hard hitting newsmen, I’m the only one who isn’t afraid to go after the big targets!  If I had a can of worms, I would be cracking it open right now.

It’s been driving me mad ever since New Year’s Day, when I stumbled into the supermarket with my friends.  All of us suffering a  hangover so big it had its own mushroom cloud, only to be greeted by the delish sight of Easter buns?

For a minute I thought “Wow, I really had a lot more to drink than I thought.  I’ve woken up 4 months later.  I’ve missed Aussie Day and more importantly, now I will never know if Kush will tell Shabs that Stacey's baby is, in fact, his on EastEnders.”

Even by the standards of supermarkets that seem to want to turn the 12 Days Of Christmas into the 12 Months Of Christmas Shopping,  January 1st seems a tad early.  Hang on a minute, is it because petrol prices are so high these days that Santa and the Easter Bunny need to share a ride?

I need to point out I’m not having a go at Easter here.  Like everyone, I love remembering the death of the son of God in the traditional manner of eating chocolate eggs delivered by a magical bunny (you know just like it says in the Bible, although I think someone had been smoking the burning bush that day.)

But do we really need 3 – 4 months of celebration?  I mean, how hard are parents going to make the Easter egg hunt this year?  Even Sam and Frodo could find them in 3 months.  Let’s be honest, if you told kids that Osama Bin Laden had chocolate, most of them could have found him in a few minutes flat..

At least with Christmas pressies, the shops can justify that some people need time to shop and save?

I suppose what really bugs me is the complete commercialization of Christianity.  Now, I’m no God-botherer and I have never been know to bash a Bible that wasn’t asking for it, but even I find it all a little tacky.  I mean, if they are willing to flog Easter buns and eggs for 3 months, what’s next?  “Remember this is the weekend that we solemnly remember the death of the Lord who died on the cross for our sins … speaking of crosses, we have massive discounts in the hardware section all weekend.”

And you know if the supermarkets are making a buck, it won’t be long before the big corporations try to cash in, too.  You can just see the ads:  “We all love the story of Jesus feeding the masses with loaves and fishes.  At McDonalds we will be celebrating that all month with our Filet-o-Fish McMiracle meal deal.
Would you like absolution with that?”

I remember, I was watching a man set up a Valentine’s display in a shop window this time last year. It was just after New Year’s Day, but shop people need to get a jump on love, I guess.

Don’t get me wrong.  Shop owners are fine people.  They give us choices and keep us informed on the important holidays. 

Think about it, how would we know it was Valentine’s Day or Christmas, Easter or Mother’s Day, if the shop people didn’t stay on the ball?

The other group to count on, is kindergarden teachers.  They always know about special days and when it comes to Valentine’s Day or Mother’s Day, what the kindy teachers set in motion, no shop person could ever hope to compete with.

Which reminds me ……….

This is kind of personal.  It might get a little syrupy, so watch out.

What I’m talking about here, is something I think of as a ‘treasure box’ given to me by my nephew when he was 3 and made at kinda, of course.

Once it was a simple white box and now it’s decorated with glitter, feathers, dried pasta, magazine pictures, shells and pebbles.

It’s gotten a bit moldy now, but once you look inside, you’ll know what I mean.

There are all these bits of paper with “Hello Katie”, and “Happy Volintime” and “I luv you Katie” written on them, and silly little red hearts everywhere. Stuck to the bottom of the box are exactly 23 “X’s” made out of macaroni.  I’ve counted them more than once.

There are bead bracelets and a necklace, a ring out of a lolly dispensing machine, hand drawn ‘portraits’, favourite pieces of string, dead flowers, marbles, pictures carefully cut out of magazines and even a little favourite stuffed teddy bear.

I can honestly tell you, the treasures of King Tut are nothing compared to this.

I cried when he gave it to me.  I just think it’s evidence of love in it’s most uncomplicated and pure state.

He’s 7 now. He still loves me, though it’s harder to get direct evidence.  It’s love that’s complicated by age, knowledge and confusing values.

Yeah sure, this is probably the worst kind of simpleminded female drivel imaginable, and I’ve, more than likely, embarrassed us both by mentioning it. But it beats the hell out of anything else I have, for comfort.

This box stands for my kind of love and I want to take it with me when, and wherever, I go.

Happy 2016 to all you wonderful people. xxx