I don’t know if any of you noticed, but we’re constantly trying to attract visitors to our lovely country. Yes, I’m reliably informed that there is
still a bit of space left. (Underneath the big pineapple or in the bum of the
big merino etc.) By the way, how come
they haven’t yet turned these icons into high-rise units? Just a thought.
So while we’re thinking of ways to attract people to
our shores, I wonder if we could get any millage out of the fact that Australia
was, not so long ago, named one of the fattest countries in the world? Perhaps something like “Come to Australia. By
comparison, you’ll feel instantly slim.”
Cool.
What an honourable award. Did we get a trophy? And more importantly, did it have chocolate
inside. And who made the acceptance
speech? Did it go something like “I would like to thank
Krispy Kreme, without whom none of this would be possible. And who could forget
Ronnie MacDee or the Colonel.
Hey we’re
number one – Aussie, Aussie, Aussie Oink, Oink, Oink!!!
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. We used to be girt by sea,
now we’re girth by sea. Maybe the ocean
levels are not raising after all, maybe Australia is sinking because of all the
fatty-fatty boombahs.
Australians have apparently become so chubby that the
doofus who hosts the NRL Footy Show has to change his name to Skinny Vautin.
Now, many of the media got upset about this news, but it
wasn’t such a bad thing. I mean, when
Ian Thorpe won a gold medal, at the Olympics, we were quick to say things like
“Go Australia! We’re number 1. Aren’t we good as swimming?”
The truth is, Thorpie winning a race doesn’t make us
good at swimming, it makes HIM good at swimming. However, when we’re named the fattest country
in the world, each of us can look down at our beer gut and love handles and
whisper “Hey, I helped”.
Before you complain that you’re just ‘big-boned’, or
retaining water due to the drought or hoping to become a contestant in the next
series of The Biggest Loser, take a look at the facts. Obesity is becoming a bigger problem than
drugs in this land. Forget crack addicts, we’ve got Big Mac addicts. Maybe we need sniffer dogs at the airports –
not for people bringing in drugs or fruit, but for those who bring in Krispy
Kremes.
So why have we gotten so fat? Well, a lot of people eat when they’re
stressed, so maybe there is more stress in the Australian society. And then
people get stressed about being overweight and eat more.
OK, what’s the solution? Maybe the rising price of
petrol is a good thing. It might
encourage more people to start walking to work.
Could be stressing over our bloody politicians.
Is it any surprise, most young people have no faith in the political system?
Let’s face it,
most of them would rather vote for Shane Warne, because at least with him you
know at some stage, he’s going to try to screw you.
I’m not saying young people don’t make mistakes when
they vote. After all, Shannon Noll came second in Australian Idol when he is
clearly the best talent we have ever produced. And very handsome (really ..
please don’t hit me).
Think about it, the next generation may not be
interested in politics, but thanks to reality TV, they have certainly been
raised on voting. They’re probably just confused about why they have to go to a
primary school on a Saturday to do it, instead of just texting ‘Tony Abbott’ to
199EVICT.
For those who didn’t follow the story, the government
was also going to make it illegal for prisoners to vote. Well, that will teach
them a lesson, won’t it??
On second thoughts, I guess our pollies are right. Our prisons are filled with liars and cheats
who want nothing more than to rip off the general public for their own personal
gain. Hey, that rings a bell. Prisoners shouldn’t be voting, they should be running for parliament.
However, I do think the move to ban prisoners contains
some weird logic. Think about it? What normally happens if you don’t vote? They
send you a fine, and if you don’t pay the fine, they send you to jail … where
you’re not allowed to vote!
There’s a weird flaw in our system, though. If you are
enrolled to vote, and don’t, they send you a fine. But if you don’t enrol,
nobody seems to care.
Personally, even if voting is not compulsory, I think
there are three reasons why everyone should vote. First, people die for the
right to vote in other countries, so we shouldn’t take it for granted. Second,
it’s your right to bitch about the result. Third it’s just an excuse to hang
out at a primary school without the restraining order!!
People argue in a democracy, it shouldn’t be compulsory
to vote. It’s not. It’s compulsory to rock up, and get your name ticked off the
electoral role. Once you are in the tiny cardboard booth, you can do whatever
the hell you want.
You can ‘donkey vote’ or as it was known in the last
election ‘voting for Tony Abbott’, you can rate all the pollies in order of hot
or not, or you can turn the House of Reps form into a pirate hat and the Senate
into an origami swan.
Ahhh what a way to spend a Saturday arvo.
By the way kind folk of Oztraya, did you know that the AFL competition is likely to be cancelled, according to a leaked document.
Under new terrorism laws, the BOMBERS are banned.
New industrial relations legislation rules out the DOCKERS and the avian flu epidemic is wreaking havoc with the CROWS, EAGLES, HAWKS, MAGPIES and SWANS.
Any transfer to the KANGAROOS, CATS, LIONS, DOGS and TIGERS must now be quarantined for at least 12 months.
Religious vilification laws mean that no one can legally barrack for the DEMONS or the SAINTS.
POWER is far too expensive.
This leaves only the BLUES, SUNS and GREATER WESTERN SYDNEY - and who wants to bloody barrack for them anyway?????
Under new terrorism laws, the BOMBERS are banned.
New industrial relations legislation rules out the DOCKERS and the avian flu epidemic is wreaking havoc with the CROWS, EAGLES, HAWKS, MAGPIES and SWANS.
Any transfer to the KANGAROOS, CATS, LIONS, DOGS and TIGERS must now be quarantined for at least 12 months.
Religious vilification laws mean that no one can legally barrack for the DEMONS or the SAINTS.
POWER is far too expensive.
This leaves only the BLUES, SUNS and GREATER WESTERN SYDNEY - and who wants to bloody barrack for them anyway?????
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