Wednesday, 21 January 2015
Some Mothers Do Have 'Em
(The picture has nothing to do with the blog. I just think this Musketeer is gorgeous!!!)
Hi everyone. I hope 2015 is a good one for all of you. I hope it's filled with happiness, love, laughter and good health.
Because I promised a while ago, I'm going to tell you about my long term neighbor Eamon (not his real name for reasons that will become very obvious) .... hahaha you wish, Eamon!!
Eamon is - how can I put this nicely? - frugal. Eamon would consider himself to be an 'economic conservative'. Most people would use another term, derived from the Latin - maximum tightius arseus.
Yes, Eamon is - like Thorpey's swimsuit would be if he tried to squeeze into it again these days - tight. And he's proud of it. When someone once told him that he is so tight, he'd only breath in if he could, he had it printed on a T-shirt.
You know the old joke about someone opening their wallet and moths flying out? Well, that sums up Eamon, except if he had moths living in his wallet, he'd be charging them rent. He's the sort of guy you don't take to the pub, because the only time he shouts is if there's a fire.
But it's not just the pub. Oh no.
Take a drive with Eamon and you'll learn that when he puts petrol in his car, he always makes sure he shakes the hose until he gets to $50.02 because he knows they'll round down and he'll drive away with 2 cents worth of free fuel.
He also turns off his engine and whacks the car into neutral when he's at the top of a hill because he thinks it will save him petrol, I'm surprised he hasn't cut the floor out of his car so he can power it like they do on The Flinstones.
There's more .......
Eamon once drove his car from Melbourne to Adelaide - not because it was cheaper than flying, but because he had a boot filled with cans and bottles for the 10 cent deposit. Actually, he told me that he went to schoolies week 5 years after he graduated, for the free condoms. To be honest, I'm kind of glad about that one, because he strikes me as the sort of guy who might have put used ones in the washing machine.
Nothing comes as a surprise with Eamon; after all, he's the guy who once pretended, for 3 hours, that he wanted to buy an 80cm TV, just so he could watch Australia's innings in the one day match against India, on the TVs at Harvey Norman Electrics.
Now, before you get the wrong idea, Eamon is not a bad bloke. He just lives by the philosophy, 'Why pay for something when you can have it for free?' When we first met, he survived for a full month on a 'toothpick diet' - eating only the free samples handed out in supermarkets and food courts. He said it was like constantly being at a cocktail party.
And the entire time I've known him, he's never owned an aftershave, but he always smells fantastic. When I asked him, one day, what he was wearing, he replied 'free tester'.
But the best example was when he agreed to pick me up at the airport to save me from getting a taxi home. (Generous gesture as we live over an hour from the airport). But, he paged me over the loudspeaker to avoid having to call me on his mobile.
Before I left for holidays, Eamon invited me to a barbeque at his place. Now it goes without saying that all barbeques at his are BYOB (bring your own booze) and BYOMOSS (Bring your own meat or soy substitute). I really wouldn't be surprised if one day, it was BYOBBQ. It was only when I asked for some good old fashioned tomato sauce to go with my soy-sage, that I realized how absolutely tight he had become.
'No worries' he said, reaching into his pockets and producing a range of packages marked 'Tomato Sauce', 'Mustard', 'Mayo'. "I stole them from Burger King" he said proudly. "Oh wait, there's more. He shoved his hand further in and pulled out some sugar, sweetener, salt and pepper.
As I said, he is a great guy though. When I saw him later in the day, he was boasting about some girl there saying he was cute.
"Dude" I said. "I've known you for many, many years, I like you, but I would have to be very, very drunk to call you cute.!!!!!"