Sunday, 27 August 2017

Natural Selection



Is it just me, or are today's shopping malls so confusing, you have to leave a trail of breadcrumbs to find your way out once you've finished with your shopping?

I suspect the reason you see so many pensioners sitting on benches isn't because they need a break from shopping, it's because they came in when they were young, got lost and now live in Bras 'n Things.

In fact, I think I smell a TV show here - Survivor:Westfield. You're challenge today is to avoid being stopped by mobile phone salespeople. Winner to get free mini muffin at Muffin Break!

The problem with my local shopping centre is that I can never find my car.  I swear they rotate the entire centre around the minute I walk through the automatic doors. I'm convinced that the carpark levels whirl on some sort of rotisserie.

Anyway, going right off the point.

What I was going to mention before being side tracked are all the warnings on packaging. I began reading them and honestly, couldn't stop.

I was looking for some sleeping pills for an overseas flight - "warning may cause drowsiness". Really? Phew, glad you told me. It's like Asprin having a warning "may relieve the symptoms of a headache". Or on a Viagra packet "may cause grandpa to chase grandma around the kitchen table'..

Then there was the electric power drill that comes with the warning - "not to be used as a dental drill".  Who is that warning for?

Or the hair colouring that comes with the warning - "do not use as ice-cream topping". Huh? Who is that for?

Hair dryers used to come with the warning - "do not use while taking a shower".  Again I feel like this one falls under the heading of 'moron'. At the very least, because using it while in the shower must limit its effectivness. 'I have it on high, but for some reason my hair is still wet'.

This s right up there with the toilet brush that tells us - "do not use orally". I'm not going to go there.

One of my favourites is the dishwasher with the instructions -  "do not let children play in the dishwasher". For heaven's sake, they'll get wet. I guess you could always dry them off in the dryer. Or use the microwave it's much quicker.

But without doubt my absolute favourite was the mattress that cane with the warning - "do not attempt to swallow".  Now this warning both  amuses and disturbs me for a couple of reasons - someone has tried this and how stoned would you have to be to try eat a mattress?

I give up! Incidentally did you know that 31 Australians died while watering Xmas trees while the lights were on? Natural selection?


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