I mentioned to my sister-in-law the other day, that I was bored. Jeez, on holidays in this great land, and I'm bored. Sheeeeesh!
Why don't I do her supermarket shopping, she suggested. Ok, riiiiiight!
Now I ask ... is it just me, or have others noticed that the world has become unnecessarily complicated lately?
OK, item number one on her list is MILK. Easy. Yeah right. Oh my Lord, has anyone noticed lately, how many types of cow juice there are in the fridges these days? In the time it took me to walk the length of the fridges, most of the milk had passed it's 'use by' date.
Milk with iron, powdered, goats milk, coconut milk. I really just wanted white milk! For the health conscious, there is 95% fat free, 96% fat free, 97% fat free, 98% fat free, long life milk, UHT milk (which is the sound people make when they drink it.)
But it's not just milk that has gone option mad.
Next on my sister's list, TEA. Easy! Errrrrr nope. For someone who doesn't buy tea very often, I had to deal with another half an aisle of choices.
For starters, what the hell is English Breakfast? Is it supposed to taste like an English breakfast? Oh and Irish Breakfast - is this supposed to taste like Guinness and a punch on the nose?
What about Earl Grey? Well I'm sorry but I can't drink Earl Grey. It always feels a little formal to me. Like it should only be for when you're having the Queen over for tea. It seems wrong to have it when I'm wearing tracky daks and ugg boots.
Then there's camomile and Jasmin (which sound too much like strippers, to me) Russian Caravan, Finest Ceylon, Ordinary Ceylon and Not Quite Rght Ceylon.
OK, don't get me started on bread. I remember when all we had Michael Jackson bread. Brown or white. (Think about it). Whatever happened to good old fashioned bread bread? Now we have sourdough, soy, rye, linseed, soda, whole meal,fibre added, fibre deducted, thick,both in, whole grain, multi grain, gran frm Spain blah, blah, blah.
I'm sorry but whatever hapeded to god old fashioned white bread? The only decision to be made was sliced or unsliced.
Now we get interesting. "Buy me some razors" said brother dear. Sure, how difficult is this? Okay - can we just skip to the razor that has 100 blades and be done with it? The first blade picks up the hair, the second one cuts it, the third goes out and picks up your laundry, the fourth goes to market and all the rest go wee wee wee all the way home. Soon you guys will have a seperate blade for every hair on your face. They are going to be like boy bands soon - the blade that can sing, the blade that can dance,the ugly blade, the nerdy blade and the gay blade.
Next on the list was tissues. Christ don't get me started on these.
I'm going home.