I got some great news recently. It seems the wife of a former Nigerian President had heard that I am "honest and reliable". Pretty impressive, huh? It was all there in her email. I don’t know how she got my address, but it was perfect timing.
You see I was about to apply for a loan and I really needed some decent references. I'm certain I’ll get the cash because I have the tick of approval from someone as impressive as the wife of the former Nigerian President.
OK, I have to ask, does anyone actually fall for this crap? Is there any dodo out there who really thinks Bill Gates built his fortune by sending $1,000 to anyone who forwards an email?
Surely if it were that easy to make money on the net, financial advisors would be doing it: "Well, Kate, we’re going to put half your money into blue-ribbon stocks like BHP Billiton and the other half in internet chain letters. You should be living in a gold house by the end of the month".
Personally, I think there is a special corner in hell reserved for people who pass chain letters on, especially the ones that promise bad luck if you don’t forward them.
I mean, what sort of friend sends you something that is basically a threat, saying "If you don’t do what I say bad things are going to happen to you"? Well, unless your friend’s email is -firstname.lastname@example.org.
And it’s always the weirdest threats, like "Mr. John Smith of Made-Upville refused to pass on this letter, and for the rest of his life, he suffered from really bad hat hair. And a man from Adelaide refused to send on his letter and he still lives in Adelaide." Tremble at the power of the letter!
"Another man decided to throw the letter in the bin. Soon after he was forced to listen to Cliff Richards over and over again. He was then stabbed in his sleep, which he actually saw as a stroke of good luck because it meant that he didn’t have to listen to Cliff Richards any more.
What I love about these stories, though, is how quickly someone’s fortune can turn around. "An oil tycoon named George received this email and didn’t pass it on. He immediately lost his fortune and was then captured by aliens who probed him and then feasted on his brains until they dropped him back on earth as a brainless zombie. Having been completely removed of anything resembling intelligence, he decided to forward the email to all his friends, and in two days he was elected President of the United States of America."
Well, actually, now that I think about it, that one could be true.
Of course the question has to be asked by anyone with half a brain: if a person didn’t pass on the letter and then died tragically – as many of these letters claim – how would anyone know?
I’ve never seen that episode of CSI: "Well we’ve ruled out murder, accidental death and suicide, it can only be one thing. He didn’t respond to a chain letter".
They are complete crapola, and I don’t care how many dollar signs, capital letters or exclamation marks you put in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, and whatever the letter is about, it was always started by monks.
And you know what? I don’t give a toss if it has been around the world five times. So has Paris Hilton and come to think about it – so have I, and I’m not about to send myself to 5 of my friends.
Anyway, if you enjoyed reading this, please email it to 50 of your closed friends in the next 50 seconds or you will DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week, maybe not even next month, but sometime – in the next 100 years, almost definitely. Seriously, trust me!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean would I lie to you??????????? The wife of the Nigerian President says I’m honest and reliable$$$$$$$!!!!!!