Saturday, 13 April 2013


Ok this is going to get mushy, so be warned. It’s about birthdays and presents. Well any present giving day and presents, really.

You want to know something; it’s not true that what counts is the thought and not the gift. Our mothers were pulling out legs on that one. Come on, be honest, you're probably like me and have collected so much gift-wrapped rubbish over the years from people who copped out and hurriedly bought a little plastic thingy to give under the protective flag of ‘good thoughts’.

Anyway, I don’t know who brought it up, but Keith asked me what I wanted for my birthday this year. I said that I’d think about it, so I sat and thought.

Ok, this is what I want. I want to be 5 years old again. Just for a couple of hours. I want to laugh a lot and cry a lot. I want to be picked up and rocked to sleep in my mother or father’s arms.

I want to argue with my mother about eating and I want to go to the park with my dad and my brother.

I want to dirty my clothes in the garden, I want to go outside and play with my friends. I want to fall off my bike and I want my mum to put a bandaid on my hurt knee.

That's what I want.  Oh God, that's what I want.

No-one’s going to be able to give me that, but I might give, at least, the memory of it to myself if I try.

I told him.  He just shook his head, and looked at me as if I had been on something. 

He’s decided to get me tool box. Sort of, I get the thought, he get’s the gift. He said that he knows it is wicked, but it’s realistic and practical. Ho hum!

Actually, I am about to embarass him. Last year I received a card from him. Written in the card :- "Morning babe Because I care about you, for your birthday I thought I might come clean and confess to a few things that I know, have been baffling you for a while: 
*      I used the wok once to change the oil in the car

*      I used your sewing scissors to cut canvas

*      I used the kitchen sink sponge to clean my shoes (just once)

*      Sometimes I said that the coffee I made you was decaf when it wasn't

*      It was me who ate the chocolates Paul sent you, not the dog

*      I deliberately left price tags on presents and sometimes I even raised them

*      I lied when I said you looked beautiful in that awful green dress

*      The Playboy subscription that I've been receiving was not a gift from a friend

*      Remember your white uniform shirts that mysteriously turned pink in the wash?
It wasn't an accident.

*      I know who sends you anonymous cards on Valentine's Day

*      At times I’ve said I missed you, when, in fact, I was glad to have the house to myself

*      Sometimes I tell you that I love you when you drive me up the bloody wall

*      I always said I was proud of you even when I knew you could do better

*      That plant you liked so much didn't die of old age

*      I’ve told you little white lies sometimes and let you do the same to me because I knew the truth was too hard for both of us.

Beats a tool box, but come to think about it, he didn't spend any money last year. Actually, I lie - he did. He had to pay for headache tablets for the headach he received when I trhrew the radio at him.

Never mind.

I still have that card. It was a great thought, but don't tell him I said that.




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