Friday, 5 April 2013

Sex with Becks

Okay, I admit it, I slept with David Beckham. 

I didn't think I had, but then I saw all the money available for sharing my recollections, and suddenly it all came flooding back to me.

How could I have forgotten the texties so sexy they should have been charged at $4.95 per minute? The romantic way he said he wanted to put his balls in the back of my net, or the constant messages demanding me naked covering myself in Pepsi.

I'll always remember the cute way after he scored with me he'd pull his shirt over his head, and who can forget the hot night we set up the video camera and made a very special film "Bonk It Like Beckham."

Of course, I'd like to reveal all the juicy details, but they don't pay me enough, and my love for Becks was so special, I feel to reveal it for anything less than a million dollars would just cheapen it.

After reading this old magazine someone's left here. I've realised the best thing I could have done was follow the example of Rebecca Loos and Sarah Marbeck and sold my story to that bastion of fine journalism the News Of The World, so it could have been  taken seriously alongside all their other stories like the Woman Who Was Killed By Her Fur Coat etc.

Rebecca Loos' allegations ran under the headline "The Story You Never Thought You'd Read" which I immediately assumed was about Russell Crowe or Demi Moore making a decent movie.

Ms Loos apparently told her story after she was upset Becks was SMSing other people: "I thought I was special to David and the only girl in the world this devoted family man would stray for." Oh, good grief.

Then there were claims by Aussie Sarah Marbeck who slept with her phone by the bed for two years waiting for Becks to call.  Now unless she had the phone switched to vibrate to keep her company, that seems a little long.

Don't get me wrong, I'm never quite sure when the right time to call is after a date. But I'm pretty sure if someone hasn't called in two years, that's not a case of treat‚ 'em mean, keep  'em keen.

But it's not just text messages. According to the ABC's World Today there were also "audio recordings, which will further embarrass the couple" although they could just be referring to Posh's solo recordings.
And strangely many women even seem to be on Beck's side. Usually the reaction when most girls I know hear about a man having an affair they are livid, but with Beckham it has been more a reaction of: "Cool. Hope I'm next. Is there a list you have to signup to, get a ticket in the lotto or do I have to take a number like at the deli?"

So anyway Editors Of The World, I have a story to tell of Sex With Becks and the bidding starts now. 

1 comment:

  1. Am selling my story as well, "My letters never read by Swifty"